The psychological conflict behind love control
The people who control desire are full of conflict, which is divided into two kinds: one is the conflict that is not accepted by oneself, the other is the conflict that avoids the challenge of the outside world and demands the promotion of oneself.
1 The conflict of their own not accepting A person's acceptance of oneself often stems from the parents ' acceptance of themselves or some kind of traumatic experience in their early growing environment.
For example, parents always despise themselves think oneself is always not good, even often express disappointment, dislike of feelings, then the child will be weak and incompetent part of the fear, and may experience a large number of being accused of weak incompetent.
Also, Read About Six herbal prescriptions to make you white and beautiful
And in the subconscious repressed too much pain and humiliation of emotion. These painful emotions are so strong that the parties do not dare to put it out to face it, in the early years he used the avoidance of the way not to face this emotion, also did not develop the ability to deal with these emotions.
Even the parties will seriously deny this side of their personality, unwilling to touch their weak, vulnerable, helpless parts, and strive to prove that he is a strong, powerful, correct and high people, to defend their subconscious wounds.
Some people do not accept their own fragile, weak, inferior to others, some people may not accept separation, some people can not accept mistakes.
What is buried beneath all rejection is the immense fear the fear of being abandoned, the fear of not being loved, the fear of being bad. People who are too controlling often use the deny defense mechanism to avoid these problems, but they often experience great fear, commonly known as insecurity.
So they grab the surroundings like straws and hope that the outside world or someone else can get them out of this sense of insecurity that they are strong, powerful, attractive, and absolutely right to stabilize their hearts.
Therefore, many people also found that a control freak behind is often a loss of security. For example, a middle-aged woman who tracks her husband all day, behind her husband's control is the loss of her charm and self-confidence.
A leader who demands that subordinates must be respectful to you, behind the control of subordinates is not confident or even panic about their abilities.
2 The challenge to the outside world to raise their own requirements of avoidance Once the control forms the habit, the avoidance also naturally will form, this causes, the control wants the strong person to use many external attributions to perceive oneself encounters the event.
They will cling to themselves. I'm fine, I'm right. Self-feeling and other good appearances, it is difficult to reflect on themselves, which may also allow their mental level to stagnate.
For example, a mother is never willing to face up with their children growing, will become more assertive, will be emotionally separated from themselves, and they must be psychologically growing, to accept this inevitable loss of the situation.
She will ignore the child will have their own feelings, will have their own opinion of the fact, and forced to use the child is not obedient is not love her theory to understand the problems of the son.
The result is a strong control and repression of children, this is the mother of their own need to face the psychological growth of the son, artificial to the son to weave a wrong problem, let his son face the typical performance of the solution.
Such questions are particularly problematic with regard to the relationship between parents and children.
Many parents by default for their own parents, do not need to grow, take for granted that in the children and their own inconsistencies, it must be children have problems, and never reflect on their own, this simple and rude attitude is the cause of many family parents high control root.
The same relationship can easily occur between the leader and the subordinate, between the husband and the wife. In a word, anyone who thinks he is 100% in a relationship is apt to leave the responsibility of the relationship to the other side, and it is easy to form control.
The people who control desire are full of conflict, which is divided into two kinds: one is the conflict that is not accepted by oneself, the other is the conflict that avoids the challenge of the outside world and demands the promotion of oneself.
1 The conflict of their own not accepting A person's acceptance of oneself often stems from the parents ' acceptance of themselves or some kind of traumatic experience in their early growing environment.
For example, parents always despise themselves think oneself is always not good, even often express disappointment, dislike of feelings, then the child will be weak and incompetent part of the fear, and may experience a large number of being accused of weak incompetent.
Also, Read About Six herbal prescriptions to make you white and beautiful
And in the subconscious repressed too much pain and humiliation of emotion. These painful emotions are so strong that the parties do not dare to put it out to face it, in the early years he used the avoidance of the way not to face this emotion, also did not develop the ability to deal with these emotions.
Even the parties will seriously deny this side of their personality, unwilling to touch their weak, vulnerable, helpless parts, and strive to prove that he is a strong, powerful, correct and high people, to defend their subconscious wounds.
Some people do not accept their own fragile, weak, inferior to others, some people may not accept separation, some people can not accept mistakes.
What is buried beneath all rejection is the immense fear the fear of being abandoned, the fear of not being loved, the fear of being bad. People who are too controlling often use the deny defense mechanism to avoid these problems, but they often experience great fear, commonly known as insecurity.
So they grab the surroundings like straws and hope that the outside world or someone else can get them out of this sense of insecurity that they are strong, powerful, attractive, and absolutely right to stabilize their hearts.
Therefore, many people also found that a control freak behind is often a loss of security. For example, a middle-aged woman who tracks her husband all day, behind her husband's control is the loss of her charm and self-confidence.
A leader who demands that subordinates must be respectful to you, behind the control of subordinates is not confident or even panic about their abilities.
2 The challenge to the outside world to raise their own requirements of avoidance Once the control forms the habit, the avoidance also naturally will form, this causes, the control wants the strong person to use many external attributions to perceive oneself encounters the event.
They will cling to themselves. I'm fine, I'm right. Self-feeling and other good appearances, it is difficult to reflect on themselves, which may also allow their mental level to stagnate.
For example, a mother is never willing to face up with their children growing, will become more assertive, will be emotionally separated from themselves, and they must be psychologically growing, to accept this inevitable loss of the situation.
She will ignore the child will have their own feelings, will have their own opinion of the fact, and forced to use the child is not obedient is not love her theory to understand the problems of the son.
The result is a strong control and repression of children, this is the mother of their own need to face the psychological growth of the son, artificial to the son to weave a wrong problem, let his son face the typical performance of the solution.
Such questions are particularly problematic with regard to the relationship between parents and children.
Many parents by default for their own parents, do not need to grow, take for granted that in the children and their own inconsistencies, it must be children have problems, and never reflect on their own, this simple and rude attitude is the cause of many family parents high control root.
The same relationship can easily occur between the leader and the subordinate, between the husband and the wife. In a word, anyone who thinks he is 100% in a relationship is apt to leave the responsibility of the relationship to the other side, and it is easy to form control.
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